The Chemo 15

Did you know that most people gain weight when they get chemotherapy? I know, all the movies say that you get thin, pale and drawn, but it's a lie. What really happens is that you get puffy and fat. Totally true. Stinks, doesn't it?

Ok, not always true. One patient I know had a horrible time and was so very very sick that she actually lost a lot of weight. She looked fabulous, but it was a heck of a way to go.

So I'm not that girl. I manage to get rid of the sick feeling with crackers - lots and lots of crackers - or maybe a little ice cream or a candy bar. Soup is good - but only if I eat it until I feel full so there isn't any room to feel sick. Pot roast or a little chicken work. So does dry toast and buttered toast. Lots of it. You get the picture.

I look at my bulbous belly with a mix of fascination and horror. I don't think I've ever put on weight so quickly - even when I was pregnant with twins. It is pretty remarkable what the body can do. My own chemical cocktail led me to put on five pounds in just one night recently. It was a crazy mix of fluid and who knows what else, but it completely changed my face.

So I am hoping, actually praying, that all this crazy chemo weight will fall off my body as quickly as it climbed on. After all, I won't need the crackers in a couple of weeks. I might still want a candy bar or two, but I'm betting I'll get my will power back. And hopefully a single chin.

Something New

So I have this cancer thing going on, and I have to say it is pretty much the pits. I'm trying very hard to make lemonade, but some days are very trying.

Earlier this summer, I kept having the thought that I never get sick, that this is so out of the ordinary for me. And then this very wise woman said to me that we repeat and repeat and repeat our life experiences, and then, if we finally get it right, the goddess gives us something new. I'm more into God than the goddess - to each her own - but this thought totally resonated with me. Something new. That's what is happening to me - something brand new. And so I have been trying to keep that in mind as I go through each new experience.

I am someone who loves routine. I am not a person who asks for help easily. If I need help, and I am wildly self-sufficient, I have maybe two people that I will turn to. These last few months I have been completely overwhelmed. Besides the fish and dogs, (the cat ran off when she saw things were going downhill) I have these three gorgeous children to take care of. I decided it was time for something new.

Friends I know wanted to organize meals for our house. Normally I couldn't have stood it. It's too much work - we don't really need it. But the fact is that I do need it. So I decided to look at it as something new. Let people bring food to my house. It won't hurt. They've been bringing dinners now for the past two months that meet our crazy egg-allergy rules. I never would have asked for the help before and I can't tell you how grateful I am to have it.

I cannot drive myself to my chemotherapy treatments. When they started, I couldn't bear the idea of someone that wasn't close to me (i.e. my sweetie) going with me. I didn't think I could be sick in front of anyone. But as it has turned out, people are driving me and it is just fine. I have had someone different take me almost every time, and I have had wonderful days with these fantastic men and women. I am in awe the way they have gone out of their way for me, whether getting heating packs for my arm or running a mile to get me a sandwich I craved. Not a bad lesson in something new.

And then, last weekend, I got the most delightful gift. We had a family wedding and suddenly, as I was on my way to the rehearsal dinner, I felt great. Not simply fine or ok, but really and truly great. And I continued to feel great all through the weekend. Definitely something new!

I'm trying not to think to much about what's ahead, or how all of this is going to impact my family in the long run, but I think we've all got to be better off if I can keep letting go of all the old baggage and keep embracing something new.

P.S. Sorry for the trite little flower picture – I promise to find something with a little more bite when I'm feeling better.